Dating in Somaliland

Though Somaliland is not an internationally recognized state, it continues to act like one regionally. As Somalilanders are part of the greater Somali people, there is significant cultural overlap with Somalia. Since it is independently managed, Somaliland may be somewhat more stable than Somalia from a safety and security perspective; however it is unlikely as an foreigner that you’ll be dating or visiting Somaliland any time soon. Because of that, this article will be more focused on Somaliland dating cultural practices. More specifically dating in Somaliland as it relates to romantic relationships formed among the Somalilanders themselves.

Somalilanders don’t really date, at least in the traditional western sense. Due to the extreme form of Islam in place, Somalilanders mostly rely on arranged marriages from within their social circles to form romantic relationships. Much like Somalia, most relationships are endogamous as Somalilanders tend to marry within their own clan or social group.

Traditional social life and society in Somaliland are influenced by many traditions. These traditional influences come from different cultures ranging from Bantu, Arab, Benadiri and of course Somali. Some subtle legacy of Italian and British colonization are also present, however this is mostly noticeable in the architecture, food, and political or educational systems not so much in the dating culture.

Due to the diversity of culture in Somalia it is impossible to characterize all Somali people under a unified dating culture. Individual experiences may vary greatly depending on factors such as age, education, urban vs rural location, religion, and personal beliefs. However, we will attempt to share some specific aspects about dating in Somalia, which we feel are shared experiences by most Somalilanders.

Interesting facts about dating in Somaliland

1. Family Introductions: The practice of endogamy is strong in Somaliland, introductions for potential partners often occur through family connections in Somaliland. This method is considered more secure and respectable, but also maintains cultural traditions.
2. Shukaansi or Courting: The traditional Somali courtship practice known as “Shukaansi” is often seen in Somaliland. It involves respectful, often poetic, expressions of affection and interest towards a potential partner. This can be done directly or indirectly, sometimes using a mediator, known as “geylay.”
3. Engagement Period: Once a proposal is accepted, the engagement period typically involves the couple getting to know each other better under the watchful eyes of their families. This period could be relatively short or extend to a year or more, depending on individual circumstances.
4. Mehr (Bride Price): In Somaliland, as in many Islamic cultures, the groom’s family or groom himself provides a dowry, known as “Mehr” or “Yarad”. This is a gift given as a token of commitment and a symbol of the man’s ability to care for his future wife. This is also sometimes called a bride price.
5. Aqal Gal or “House Raising”: This is a unique pre-wedding tradition in which community members come together to help build a marital home for the soon-to-be-married couple, symbolizing community support for the marriage.
6. Wedding Celebrations: The wedding ceremony in Somaliland, also known as “Aroos,” is a grand and festive event often extending over several days. It typically involves traditional music, dances, and feasting.
7. Poetry in Romance: Somali culture, including that of Somaliland, is rich in oral tradition and poetry. Poems, often loaded with metaphors, are used as a way to express love and admiration in romantic relationships.
8. Respect for Privacy: In line with Islamic customs and norms, public displays of affection are generally minimal in Somaliland. Couples usually maintain discretion when expressing affection, especially in public spaces.
9. Living Near Family: Even after marriage, it is common for couples in Somaliland to live near their extended families. This reflects the close-knit nature of Somali society, where family support is highly valued.
10. Love and Technology: With the growing use of technology, younger generations in Somaliland, much like their counterparts worldwide, are also exploring online platforms and social media for dating and romantic connections. As Islam is very strong in Somaliland, we’d expect only Muslim dating apps to gain any popularity.

Most Romantic Day in Somaliland

Instead, the most romantic holiday in Somaliland could be considered “Eid al-Adha,” one of the two major Islamic holidays. While it’s not exclusively a romantic holiday, it is a time of celebration, gift-giving, and showing love and appreciation to family and loved ones. During this time, married couples exchange gifts and spend quality time together, often making it a romantic period for them.

Another day gaining popularity as a day of love in Somaliland, and across the Arab world, is “Habib’s Day” or “Day of the Beloved,” which falls on the 4th of November. This is can be seen as an alternative to the western, Valentine’s Day, reflecting more regional and cultural values. It’s still a relatively new concept as of 2021, but it’s growing in popularity, particularly among younger generations.

Typical First Date in Somaliland

As we mentioned before, dating isn’t a common practice in Somaliland. Thus, there is no way to accurately define a first date in Somaliland. In terms of situations where courting during the engagement period, this may be the closest association to dating as a foreign comparison.

During this engagement period, it is possible that a Somalilander couple may meet casually in public places like restaurants, cafes or even markets for shopping. However, traditional meetings will still remain somewhat formal as a means of getting to know one another for marriage. The socioeconomic dynamics of the potential couple, where they might be located and even the extent of their religious beliefs will all have some impact on this.

Large urban centers like Hargeisa or Berbera are some the busiest cities, though safety is often a concern.

Social cues and dating etiquette

In terms of dating etiquette , the expectations of behavior when on a date can vary somewhat from individual to individual. That being said, since Somalilanders do not date, we can think of dating etiquette as courting etiquette. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Chaperoned Meetings: In more traditional settings, meetings between the potential couple might be chaperoned, especially in the early stages of courtship. This practice aligns with Islamic principles of avoiding seclusion (“khalwa”) with a non-related member of the opposite sex.
• Respectful Communication: Respect is of paramount importance in Somali culture. During the courtship process, both parties are expected to communicate respectfully and honestly. In traditional courtship, indirect expressions of interest are common, often conveyed through poetry or subtle gestures.
• Shukaansi: This is the traditional Somali courtship practice. It involves a man expressing his affection and interest towards a potential partner in a respectful manner. The man can express his feelings directly or indirectly, sometimes using a mediator known as a “geylay”.
• Modesty: Modesty is highly valued in Somali culture, and this extends to dating and courtship. Public displays of affection are generally minimal or non-existent, in accordance with Islamic customs.
• Consultation of Elders: The elders in both families often play an important role in the courtship process. They can offer advice and guidance to the potential couple and help in resolving any issues that may arise during the courtship.
• Gifting: Bringing a gift, or Mehr or Yarad, by the groom or groom’s family is generally seen as a token of commitment and a symbol of the man’s ability to care for his future wife. This is considered a dowry or bride price by comparison.

The Importance of language

Africa is an immensely diverse continent. There are thousands of languages spoken throughout and many different cultural practices. Somalia is one of fifty-four countries in Africa, each generally having their own using culture and language norms.

As the area around Somaliland was colonized by the Italy and United Kingdom, Italian and English are widely spoken within some communities. It is more likely that older generations will speak some Italian while younger generations would speak some English. In addition to Somali, there are other languages such as Arabic and other regionally significant languages. Though it is not possible to learn all languages, we do always recommend studying local culture and learning language, even if just a few phrases. As you know, language is an incredibly important form of communication and knowing some Arabic or Somali will greatly enhance your connection with a Somali person.

While some Somalilanders may also speak English or other languages, being able to communicate in any other local language can help to build stronger relationships with locals, facilitate communication in a variety of contexts and gain respect or trust with new people. It is a win-win situation for you and the culture.

Is Somaliland gay friendly?

In short, definitely not. Unfortunately, as a whole, Africa has a very poor record for LGBTQ+ rights and protections. Further, according to a 2013 Pew Research Center survey, the majority of people in many sub-Saharan African nations held negative views towards homosexuality.⁴ Because of this, gayness is heavily stigmatized in Somali communities and in Somaliland. These stigmas are influenced by a myriad of religious, political and historical cultural beliefs. Further, it is fueled by Sharia law, which is the law of the land in Somaliland.

With the exception of South Africa, where there are constitutionally enshrined protections for LGBTQ+ individuals. South Africa was the first country in the world to outlaw discrimination based on sexual orientation in their constitution, and it remains the only African country to have legalized same-sex marriage. Unlike Hargeisa, Bembera, cities like Cape Town are known to have vibrant gay communities and events, which is a rare occurrence in Africa.

As of today, homosexuality remains criminalized in nearly every African country, including Somaliland. While a few have made strides towards acceptance and equality, sadly there is a long way to go before LGBTQ individuals are freed from oppression in places like Somaliland. Until that time, it remains dangerous to be openly gay in most of Africa.

There may be usage on gay dating apps in Somaliland, but please be EXTREMELY careful and weary. Check the latest regulations from a reputable international organization like the ILGA. Interestingly, apps like Grindr and Tinder, actually alert users when they are attempting to date in a country where homosexuality is punishable by law.

Gender roles

Traditional gender roles in Somaliland, as in many societies, have been largely influenced by cultural, religious, and societal norms. Here are some key points about traditional gender roles in Somaliland:

• Men’s Roles: In traditional Somalilander society, men are typically considered the primary breadwinners. They are often responsible for tasks outside the home, such as farming, herding livestock, and engaging in trade or business. Men are also traditionally involved in political and community leadership roles.
• Women’s Roles: Somalilander Women are traditionally responsible for managing the household, which includes caring for children, cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the home. In rural areas, women also often participate in farming and animal care. Women are often considered the backbone of the family, holding significant influence in family and community matters.
• Division of Labor: In nomadic and rural communities, labor is generally divided according to gender. Somalilander Men typically handle duties related to livestock and protection, while women manage household chores and take care of children. However, in times of need, roles can be fluid, and women may also take on duties outside the home.
• Marriage and Family Life: In the traditional Somali family structure, the man is seen as the head of the household. However, women play a crucial role in raising children and managing family affairs.
• Respect for Elders: Both Somalilander men and women are traditionally expected to show respect for their elders. Elders, both male and female, hold significant sway in community decision-making and conflict resolution.

Much like the rest of the world, traditional gender roles in Somalia are not substantially different. As globalization and urbanization march forward, norms around dating and gender roles are evolving, especially among younger generations and in urban areas. In many cases, egalitarian dating practices are becoming more common, but in Somalia, there is a long way to go. Further, where applicable and likely behind closed doors, LGBTQ couples will have different norms.

Best way to meet singles in Somaliland

As we stated, it is unlikely that you’ll be meeting any Somalilander singles, at least inside of Somaliland. There are significant Somali communities in United States, Yemen Kenya, Ethiopia and the United Kingdom. There are also notable communities in the United Arab Emirates, Canada, Sweden and other areas though.⁴ Due to the unfortunate state of Somalia, the Somali diaspora is dispersed throughout the world, so it is possible that you will encounter Somalian singles abroad.

Life inside Somaliland is perceived to be quite complicated from the outside. Though perhaps slightly better than the greater Somalia, safety is a constant concern in some areas and religious practices and law are strong. The best place to meet singles in Somaliland depends a lot on where one might be. If in a rural area, then options may be limited. However, if in a large urban center like Hargeisa, then Somalian singles may have more options.

The primary way that traditional singles in Somalia meet is through family connections, introductions or even arranged marriages. Meeting a single Somali person and starting to date them wouldn’t be common in Somalia. However, here are some ways that they might meet:

• Schools and Universities: Educational institutions are key meeting places, especially for younger Somalilanders. These settings provide opportunities for social interaction among peers.
• Places of Worship: Mosques are a central part of Somali community life. They serve not just as places of worship but also as gathering points where people can meet and socialize.
• Family and Community Gatherings: Many introductions and social interactions occur at family and community gatherings. These may include weddings, religious celebrations, community events, and more informal get-togethers.
• Markets and Businesses: Markets and businesses are common places where Somalilanders meet, both for trade and social interaction.
• Workplaces: Like people everywhere, Somalilanders meet and socialize with colleagues at their workplaces.
• Sports Events: Football (soccer) is particularly popular in Somaliland, and matches can draw large crowds, providing opportunities for socializing.
• Community Centers: In countries with significant Somali diaspora populations, community centers often serve as meeting points. These centers may host cultural events, language classes, and other activities that bring the community together. For example, in London, United Kingdom there is a large and active Somali community. Further, in the United States, Minnesota also has an active diaspora. In each of these locations, they generally have a community center, museum and many shops and restaurants. These offer great ways to meet Somalilander singles in the United States.
• Online dating: Though very uncommon, some Somalilanders may turn to online dating. Though the amount of Somalilander singles on these platforms is still very small, the apps and sites may be ways of meeting someone new. The most accepted form would be a Muslim dating app.

Is it safe to date people in Somaliland?

As a continent, Africa has a bad image for safety and security. As it is tied to Somalia, Somaliland has one of the worst reputations for personal safety and security.

It does not matter if you are Somalilander, African or a foreigner, social life in Somaliland can be quite dangerous. Safety precautions should be taken and followed.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when dating in Somaliland:

• Be Aware of Local Laws and Customs: Learning about the local culture, like you are doing now, can help you navigate dating in Somaliland and avoid cultural misunderstandings or faux pas. Further, if Somaliland is a new place for you, take some time to review local laws and customs, particularly related to dating and public behavior. This is especially important for LGBTQ+ individuals, as laws and societal acceptance vary greatly. If you are going to use gay dating apps, then consider using well known international apps. Some dating apps, such as Grindr or Tinder, have implemented security features into their apps that let you know if you are traveling in a country where gay relationships are illegal. This is significant because it is illegal in Somaliland.
• Keep Personal Information Private: Do not share sensitive information like your home address, financial details, or other private information with someone you have just met online.
• Tell Someone About Your Plans: Always tell a friend or family member where you are going, who you are meeting, and when you expect to return.
• Meet in Public: On your first few dates, meet in a public place like a café or a park where there are plenty of people around. In a places like Hargeisa, it should be somewhat easy to find a public space.
• Trust Your Gut: If something feels off or too good to be true, it probably is. Trust your instincts and do not feel obliged to stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Remove yourself from a bad situation when it feels right to do so.
• Safe Sex: Though sex outside of marriage is haram, and is forbidden and uncommon in Somaliland, if you decide to become intimate with your date, remember to practice safe sex. This includes using protection and getting regular check-ups for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Remember, safety first. Somaliland can be a dangerous place. It is important to take precautions and use common sense when dating in Somaliland, whether online or offline.

Dating scams in Somalia

Dating scams can and do unfortunately happen across the globe. Africa is no stranger to scams or deceptive practices. Particularly in the digital world, wherever there are lonely or naive people, a nefarious person can take advantage of their kindness or emotions.

While we do not know of any dating scams unique to Somaliland, we do believe you should keep in mind these online dating scams which are common in other African countries and the rest of the world. While we do not believe paranoia helps, it is always a good idea to be careful and approach online dating in Somaliland with caution. Until you build trust with someone, you should not provide too many personal details. Whether you are Somalilander or a foreigner looking to date in Somaliland, please keep these common dating scams in mind when using apps and sites to meet new people:

• Identity theft: Scammers may use dating apps or websites to steal personal information from their targets, such as credit card numbers or other personal details.
• Romance Scams: In this scam, criminals create fake profiles on dating websites or apps. They build an online relationship with their victims and then ask for money for various reasons – a sick relative, a plane ticket to visit, or some other fabricated story. Once they receive the money, they disappear.²
• Advanced Fee Fraud: This is one of the most common types of fraud in West Africa, in countries like Nigeria and Ghana, but could also happen in Somaliland. The scammer forms a relationship with the victim and then asks for money to help them access a large amount of money or gold they have supposedly inherited but cannot access due to bureaucratic red tape.
• Catfishing: This involves a scammer creating a fake profile with stolen photos and false information. The scammer entices the victim into a relationship with the goal of obtaining personal information or exploiting them emotionally.
• Military Scams: In these scams, fraudsters pose as military personnel who are serving overseas or outside of Somaliland. They form a relationship with the victim and then ask for money, often claiming that it is for a leave application, medical expenses, or other fabricated reasons.
• Gift Scams: Scammers, after forming a relationship, might ask for expensive gifts or money to buy such gifts. Once the gifts or money are received, they break off contact.
• Kidnapping Scams: These are extreme and less common, but there have been reports of scammers luring victims to a location under the pretense of a date and then kidnapping them for ransom.
• Other money scams: Scammers may create fake profiles on dating apps or websites and then ask their targets for money for any number of other reasons than previously mentioned. If money is involved, it is likely a dating scam. Use good judgement.

Online dating in Somalia

The advent of the digital age has revolutionized many aspects of modern Somali life, including the way people meet and form romantic relationships. Though online dating in the greater African continent is not a significantly developed industry, growth, at least on a relative percentage level, has been significant in recent years. When it comes to Somaliland, the online dating industry is virtually non-existent. This is highly unlikely to change any time soon.

Like many other countries in Africa or traditional societies, online dating in Somaliland is not popular. This is due to a few aspects:

One is that historically, Somalia has had a low internet penetration and limited access to smartphones. However, over the last decade with the widespread adoption of mobile technology, increased internet accessibility, and reduction in costs, Somalilanders are increasingly digitized.

Second, accessibility, particularly through localization. Product adoption and education is typically very low when people do not understand the user interface (UI) language of your product. Historically, most dating apps have not localized for any African languages, let alone languages native to the region around present-day Somaliland, such as Somali. European languages, a legacy of colonization, make products accessible for those who speak them. For this reason some international dating apps, like Badoo, Bumble, Tinder or gay dating apps localized into Italian and English may be more accessible to Somali singles who speak those languages.

Third, history and widespread scams, have led to distrust amongst online platforms, especially foreign ones on occasion. With time and companies demonstrating devotion to privacy and data security, it is likely that more single Somalilanders will be open to online dating. However, with the dark colonial past by Italy and United Kingdom, there is definitely a legacy sentiment of skepticism among certain people. Rightfully so in some cases. Companies will need to work extra hard to overturn this and build trust with locals, or be locals themselves.

A fourth reason and obvious reason is mainly culture (religion). More traditional societies and indigenous people like the Somali, Bantu, Benadiri, are quite foreign to the concept of a dating app or website. This is due to the reliance on social circles and emphasis on maintaining culture through relationships within the Somali, Bantu, Benadiri communities. Further, for religious Somali there would definitely be stigmas and risk associated with online dating. Traditional social relationships in Somalia are based on a clan structure of society – therefore unless there is a dating app for Somali clans, then Somalians are unlikely to turn to the internet to find love.

A fifth reason is that dating can be seen as a luxury, even among people who have an open mind towards meeting new people. Though there are wealthy Somali, many singles in Somaliland continue to struggle economically. With each passing generation, the economic situation seems to be improving, but many Somalilanders have a long way to go before having a western style social life.

With these setbacks and reservations, we believe that the online dating industry in Somaliland doesn’t have much promise. At least, in the near term future, the industry does not exist. That being said, as a whole, the African continent has more than 1.4 billion people; most interestingly, the median age of this population is 19.4.¹ Compared to Europe, where the median age is over 40 and population is roughly half, that is a substantial growth story for Somalilanders and the rest of Africa. As more and more people join the digital world, we expect Somali singles to increasingly turn to online dating as a means for connection. Though this will be a very slow transition for Somalilanders.

Presently, the online dating landscape in Africa is dynamic, diverse and slowly accelerating. International platforms have had a presence for years, but a notable trend in the online dating scene in Africa, is the rise of niche platforms catering to specific groups. For example, culture-specific dating like dating apps for Muslims or Christians or LGBTQ communities. Where indigenous or linguistic communities are large in number, we may even see dating apps that cater to Somali, Bantu, Benadiri singles.

With continued tech adoption and changing societal attitudes, the future of online dating in Africa looks promising. User growth in Somaliland will inevitably contribute to that change, even if in relatively small ways. As a youthful and digitally-connected population continues to grow, so too does the potential market for online dating services. Additionally, the ongoing shift towards homegrown and niche dating platforms suggests a future where the industry is increasingly tailored to the diverse needs and preferences of local Somalilander daters.

Top dating apps in Somalia

Much like in the rest of the world, international recognized dating apps like Badoo or Tinder, are likely to have users in nearly every African country. If any, these apps are likely to be popular with young Somalilander singles. If you plan to use a dating app in Somaliland, review the below apps in addition to any other apps you may be familiar with. Online dating is a lot about trying different platforms and sites and finding ones that works best for you and your interests. This will give you the best chances of success in meeting someone special.

Keep in mind, the dating sites and apps available and popular by country may depend on how well the apps are localized into the languages of Somaliland, such as Somali.

• AfroIntroductions: As one of the largest African dating sites, AfroIntroductions has a presence in Somaliland and gives Somali singles access to connections with other single daters around the continent and in the diaspora.
• Tagged: Tagged is a social networking site that has grown to be a popular platform for dating in many African countries with a presence in Somalia.
• Muslima: This niche dating site caters to the Muslim community. Though it has its largest and most significant user base in North Africa in countries such as Morocco, Tunisia and Egypt, Muslims around Africa find value in the dating app.
• Muzz: a popular dating app for Muslim people around the world.
• DateMeKenya: Though specific to Kenya, DateMeKenya is an example of a country-specific dating site. As there is a sizeable Somalilander community in Kenya, this site may be a way to meet Somali singles.
• Liefie: Additionally, in South Africa, Liefie is particularly tailored towards Afrikaans-speaking singles.

¹ https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/africa-population/

² Romance dating scams in Africa are common: https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-know-about-romance-scams

³ Sub-Saharan views on homosexuality: https://www.pewresearch.org/global/2013/06/04/the-global-divide-on-homosexuality/